Too Much

I am dealing with too much. Just too much right now. I want to write this blog but it feels like an obligation, not a joy. I am going off track and trying to cover too much in each post. So, I am going to go back to basics and cover just one subject.

I will write once a week. I will write about one subject in each post, no more jumping around.

I need to organize my thoughts, my brain, my blog.

I need to accept that it is ok to not write about my children in each post. That it is ok to not writing about knitting in each post. That it is ok to skip some things. This is for me to enjoy, not to cause more stress. I can do this. I ant to write, I want to get out there in the world and talk about what I do.

I need to treat this like a joyful job, not like a burden.

Summer is coming and with it I will lose much of my free time, if my time is ever really free. So I want to make the most of what I have available and this is something that matters to me. I think I need to start writing posts a week or so in advance, and to realize that that is ok.

I can do this. I will do this.

Here we go.

The First Day of Spring

Yea. Ok. So the first day isn't until the 20th, but today FELT like the first day. It was rainy this morning, miserable and dreary. Drizzly and cold. Then, right about 11:30 the clouds broke up and the sun came in like a raging inferno. The sidewalks dried up, it was WARM outside, and the afternoon sunshine was gorgeous.

A friend from knitting had invited me to the park, if it wasn't raining, so of course we went out into this gorgeous afternoon.

Now, I have to explain something here. I love it when my kids get messy, but I HATE it all at the same time. I love the idea of them having fun and being kids and exploring the world but I hate the clean up. Wiping muddy boots, stain treating muddy pants, that dingy grey stain on the bottom of socks that never goes away once they have gotten mudded. I hate those problems. I hate peeling wet muddy clothes off the kids before putting them in the car because by God I WILL NOT CLEAN MUD FROM A CARSEAT!

So of course, because it was sunny but still damp on the grass and downright marshy in some places and there was a lake under the swingset... (no really, a lake. Not a puddle in the groove from where feet slide to stop the swing, it was a full out lake. I totally expected to see ducks out there paddling along under the swings.) ... I knew I was in for a muddy day. I embraced it. I even welcomed it, because with mud comes fun, with fun comes tired kids, with tired kids comes a mommy who can have a relaxing evening. So bring on the mud!

And we did. Liam was muddy kneed before 5 minutes went by and Evie started off slow with just her hands being dirty from some playing in the pathway pebbles. Soon though she took off to try stomping in a puddle and got her boot stuck in the mud and pulled her foot out and landed on her butt. In the mud.

Yup. It was that bad.

   But we got in some quality duck watching time before that!

And in the end, the kids were not at all put off by a little mud. We played, we romped, we got a corndog from the corner market. Liam crashed out in the car on the way home, Evie lasted until 4:45 and managed to stay awake through a bath before demanding her "baba" and falling asleep.

Today I made memories. I made a friend, which is a big deal for me. I made it through the whole day without once panicking about the muddy clothes I was going to have to deal with.

And now that I have written this while eating my homemade chicken burrito, I am off to go scrub some boots. I really need to buy these kids real rainboots. 

Getting Started

Writing this post gave me a flash back to the episode of 7th Heaven where Lucy gives her first sermon. She doesn't see that she has a whole life time to get all the points across that she wants to make and tries to cover it all in one sermon. The people listening to her got confused, no one understood the point she was trying to make and because of this her sermon was unsuccessful.
But I am not a preacher, this is not a sermon. This is a blog post. But all the same, I do not want to confuse you. Or myself, which is easy to do these days.

Who Am I?
I am a 32 year old mama living on the far reaches of Southeast Portland, Oregon. I have two children, a dog, three cats and a fish tank full of guppies and an assassin snail I have named Sneaky McStabbypants.

I have a bachelors degree in graphic design from the Pacific Northwest College of Art, a certification in phlebotomy, a passion for making, a lazy streak, a crazy streak, and sometimes I speak before I think and piss people off. I stay at home with the kids and pretend that I can keep up on the housework in between chasing down a daredevil 16 month old and keeping her out of trouble and keeping the 3 year old from tackling the dog.

I love simple food, complicated cupcakes, coffee and carbonated water. I love yarn, wire, beads and paper.  I dislike fish, pork, bell peppers and diet sodas. I hate fashion, make up and insects.
I take lots of pictures of everything around me.

Why should I write a blog?
I tried blogging once, but it was at a time when I was new to motherhood and every single thing was scary, my baby was terrifyingly strange to me and I knew nothing about what I was doing. I still know nothing about what I am doing, but at least I can do it with style and less whining.

To me, this is a place to write about what I am working on, the latest challenge and bright points of motherhood, the joy of finishing a project, the burnt bottoms of my bread rolls and to hopefully find others to communicate with about all of these things.

I am bad at making friends in person, maybe because I tend to over-share on some things and I have a bad habit of interrupting people (I'm working on that!), but behind my screen I can open up and share with the added bonus of being able to edit things before I say them. Plus I can not interrupt anyone on the internet! Hah!

Things about me you should know
I have suffered from depression of one sort or another for a long time now. I have what my therapist calls "Situational Anxiety" which might be why I over share in a desperate attempt to connect to people on some level. At least in a blog a certain level of over sharing is expected.

I am not on medication for my issues. I control them through positive thinking, choosing happiness, sheer determination and a desire to not let my issues be reasons for not enjoying life how I want to enjoy it.

I am overweight. Fat. Chubby. Chunky. Whatever the hell you want to call it, I am. I am learning to love the body I am in and take good care of it. I have my limitations, both physical and mental, but I am a good, beautiful person, I just happen to be good and beautiful a little bigger than society thinks is normal.