Monday, April 7, 2014

The Story of Liam

I figure its time to get a little personal here. I thought I would share the story of my son and how he came to be.

It starts with a little bit of my own back story.

I had moved from Salt Lake City to Portland a few months ago, ended a rather toxic relationship that never should have happened, and was single but wanting to STAY single for a while. I was all geeked about the idea of dating someone and not just jumping into a relationship.

I was living with an old friend who had once been more than a friend many years ago, though that had fizzled out long ago by now.

Back when I was seeing that person, K, he lived with a roommate named Dan. Dan had a girlfriend and was never even more than a "hey hows it going" type of friend. He bought me a drink when I graduated from college... that was about it.

Well, one afternoon K and I are out on the patio doing whatever the hell late 20's  to mid 30's adults who never really grew up do. Talking, drinking, being silly. Well, Dan showed up out of the blue and brought his laptop. We all decided that watching a movie on the back patio on a late spring evening was a GREAT idea. Dan bent over to plug in the power cord and I... I admired the view. Keep in mind, I have not seen Dan for 5 years at this point.

K gets all happy and in a rather odd way says "Oh my gosh, you are single, he is single, you should totally go out!" and its like someone just dropped a HUGE elephant in the room because now Dan and I are trying not to look at each other because obviously there is some sort of attraction there and both trying to think of a way to diffuse the situation without saying anything like "No way, I'd never do that" and putting an end to anything before it could even start.

So K cost me my sweet moments of dating, of getting to know someone, of moving slow. Because now there was nothing to do but admit that there was an attraction and without having seen each other in half a decade decide if this was something to pursue or not.

Thankfully, we decided that we should go out a few times and see if we had anything in common. A month later we were moving him into the house in an open room that needed a tenant. Two months later we took things to the next level. A month after that I felt kinda off for a couple weeks and realized I was Late.

I peed on a stick and it had two lines. But I didn't want to believe it just yet. I went to work. I stopped at a clinic after work and got a test. Yup. It was real. I was pregnant. I still love the way the lady confirmed it, sweet thing, maybe 60 or so. She comes back into the room with a basket of hand made baby booties and hats and says "Pick one out Honey!"

After getting everything straight and processing the new information in my head I needed to go tell Dan. We had been together for less than 5 months at this point. But we had found that we had a lot in common. We were a good match. He loved his family, he was devoted, funny, a good friend... he was kind and generous and gave good hugs.

I got home and sat him down and just told him. I also told him, while he was sitting there stunned that I was going to keep this baby no matter what and that he had a choice to make. One option was to run away right now. He could leave. He could give up all parental rights and obligations and leave and go about his life like these 5 months never happened. His second choice was to stay, as a friend or a boyfriend, but he could stay. The only thing though was that once he made this choice there would be no second chance to change. I was not going to have someone coming in and out of my child's life and my life and making things weird. It was all or nothing. We didn't have to get married or anything if he did stay.

He needed time to think. Of course. He left for a few hours and those were some hard hours for me. I called my mom and told her the news. She was thrilled to bits. She cried, I cried, we were happy. I took a nap and then woke up to my phone ringing. Dan had crashed his bicycle in the driveway and needed my help. I went outside, helped him to his feet. We went inside and he told me that he wanted to stay, that he wanted to be part of my life, of the babies life, but that he wanted to do it as my husband.

We got married two months later in a small quiet ceremony. We were married by Dan's mom, a wiccan priestess. We found out Liam was a boy a bit after that and spent weeks thinking about names. We moved out of the house we shared with others and into our own apartment. We decided on Liam J. finally. Liam because it was a good name that we both agreed on and J. for our grandpas. Dan had a Grandpa Jay who he loved, and I had a Grandpa J.T. who I loved. Both of our J's were gone, but they had both been good men who loved their families and lived life to the fullest. J. was a good name for a boy. Both of our families had an unofficial  tradition of naming children after grandparents, but giving them the name for a middle name. We were happy to continue this.

Liam was born at 10:06 pm on June 2nd 2010. He was delivered by Lisa Chickadonz, one of the midwives with the Providence Maternal Care Clinic in Portland Oregon. He was perfectly healthy and just wonderful to see. I will never forget seeing him for the first time.

 And that is the story of how Liam came to be. I am sure that eventually without the interference by K that Dan and I would have found our own way, but K sure sped it up and then it got put on the fast track again with a kiddo on the way. Sometimes I am still stunned to look at him and think about the time when he was nothing more than a friend and be amazed at where life has led us.

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