Intentions

I have been thinking about what happens when we, human beings, communicate using typed words.

With almost all communication happening online and through text, we can not rely on visual cues to tell us the tone of written words. I remember reading notes and letters from friends and you could tell when they were mad or stressed because of the pressure on the pen or pencil. You could tell happiness, relaxation, joy, from the way things were written. Now, we only have word choice, and I am noticing that less people are using a wide variety of words.

And with communication taking place with typed words and not being able to see someones face or hear their voice, what may be intended as a joke comes across as being rude or insulting sometimes.

I want to ask a few things of my friends, of myself and eventually, of my children...

I want to ask them to always Assume Kindness. When someone says something that MIGHT be condescending or from the point of a know it all, to try and see it as someone trying to offer help. It is not someone saying that you are stupid for not knowing.

I want to ask them to Research First. Before you ask a question in a public forum, do a little research. You can use search engines to look for information about everything. It is easy to read about various opinions and ideas and to educate yourself before you ask something online.
A side note to Research First: this applies to reposting things others have said or written. It might seem amazing or fantastic, but sadly these days people need attention and seek it out online by making things up which other people then repost and share and further spread the made up things without thinking about who it might upset. There have been instances of children who's pictures have been used to get everything from Facebook Likes to donated money and the parents of these children have NO idea that these things are even happening.

Before you speak online, Spell Check. Its free, its easy, it educates you on how to spell words. And as your spell checker helps you and you re-read your words, check your grammar to the best of your ability. Appearing as intelligent as possible is never a bad thing. 

And lastly, before you say anything, as yourself a few things. Is it KIND?  is it TRUE?  will it HELP SOMEONE?  and If this was the last thing you ever got to say, is this how you would want to be REMEMBERED?

I have a few of these things I need to work on myself. I assume the worst of people, but then I realize that I can not see their face as they type, maybe they are only trying to help. They do not know me, do not know how much I know or what I have already read on the subject. I can not expect them to read my mind and not link to an article  I read last month. So I need to assume kindness. I also need to think about if these are the things I want to be remembered by. I complain a little too much. I would rather be remembered for being a good person, a kind person, a joyful person.


I miss the days of letters and notes over texts and smiley faces. But hopefully I can still teach my children how to put a little emotion and kindness out into the wilds of the internet when the day comes that they are ready to start communicating in a way beyond raspberries and tantrums.

Deri's Gift

I recently finished a gift for someone very special to me. My friend Jessica and I have a unique friendship. We met online in World of Warcraft. Her toon's name was shortened to Deri, and mine to Auri, so we still call each other by those names when we talk on the phone sometimes. We knew each other for about a year before we ever met in person, and that was only after I drove across the country to see her.

Her husband Andrew is one of the sweetest, strongest and kindest men I have ever met and Jessica is just about the best person I could ever imagine knowing. They welcomed a son into their family a few years ago and I had made him a blanket long before he was even conceived because I knew they wanted babies. Now, their second son is due any moment now and I just finished a little gift box for him.

I made the 10 stitch blanket for him in Berrocco's Comfort DK in the colorway Balance Beam. Then, I had so much yarn left over that I made booties, and then I felt it needed one more thing so I whipped out a little doll called Knubbelchen.

The blanket was a lot of fun to make, though I must admit it got a bit tedious as it grew and the edges seemed to take forever. It was a fun project to take with me places to work on and it got a lot of compliments and comments.

The booties were very simple and quick, I would like to make a few more of those in other colors some time and maybe tweak the pattern a little bit.

 

And the Knubbelchen I am just in love with. It is the most adorable little doll and I can not wait to make more of them to give to other babies I know!!!

I hope that I can get out to the post office soon. I should be able to do that tomorrow. Even if the package is a bit late, I am sure she won't mind!

Too Much

I am dealing with too much. Just too much right now. I want to write this blog but it feels like an obligation, not a joy. I am going off track and trying to cover too much in each post. So, I am going to go back to basics and cover just one subject.

I will write once a week. I will write about one subject in each post, no more jumping around.

I need to organize my thoughts, my brain, my blog.

I need to accept that it is ok to not write about my children in each post. That it is ok to not writing about knitting in each post. That it is ok to skip some things. This is for me to enjoy, not to cause more stress. I can do this. I ant to write, I want to get out there in the world and talk about what I do.

I need to treat this like a joyful job, not like a burden.

Summer is coming and with it I will lose much of my free time, if my time is ever really free. So I want to make the most of what I have available and this is something that matters to me. I think I need to start writing posts a week or so in advance, and to realize that that is ok.

I can do this. I will do this.

Here we go.

Diamonds and Dogwood

I've been on a roll this last week. I bought the PVC pipe and joinings to make my own home made knitty noddy, I've dyed some light weight sock yarn, done some color tests on other yarn and been working hard on a few knitting projects.

I got stalled on my 10 stitch blanket because I bought all the yarn from my yarn shop and they had no more and had to order more.  That should be in on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week. I am looking forward to getting back to work on it.

My knitty noddy was fun to make. My son helped me out by holding the pipe while I used a hacksaw to cut the lengths I wanted. I realize after I made it that I should have bought the 1/2 inch pipe and not the 3/4 inch, but it will work all the same. I put the yarn back on the noddy to ball it. Next on my list of things to make at home is a lazy susan ball winder. I just need to save up enough to buy the parts I need.

I dyed the yarn for a bookmark for my sons teacher for an end of the year gift. I used Wilton frosting dye and sea salt for the mordant on it. I picked the colors to try and create a fade from pink to yellow. It is of course WAY MORE than I need for a bookmark, so I am trying to think of what else to make with it. It is too thin for hexipuffs, maybe more lace or some baby socks.

I don't like how the bookmark came out, so I will probably make a new one.



I started a shawl just because I have always wanted a super pretty one to have. I found a pattern that didn't look too hard for a first one. It it the Freya shawl from Ravelry. I loved the design with the increases happening throughout so the pattern was circular.

And I found out that a good friend of mine is expecting his second grandson so I am making him a blanket for the little guy. His family is a big fan of baseball and really like the LA Angels. I am doing a nod to baseball diamonds by making a diamond pattern, and then a baseball itself by doing it white and there will be a red stitch around the edge. I hope they like it. I wanted it to be pretty without being OMGBASEBALL.

I am really enjoying dying my own yarn. I think I may want to dye some and see if I can sell it. That might be a good way to bring in a little bit of extra money for some fun things. I will start small. They have some nice superwash wool at my yarn shop for a good price, I will buy three of them and dye them in a few popular colors and see if I can sell it on Etsy. If they sell, I will use that money to buy three more and go from there!

I wonder what colors I should start with. I am inspired by spring. I have a vision of a light green fading to a medium green, then a white space, a gentle pink fading out into white again. I was watching the dogwood flowers bloom and they just felt like the whole reason why spring even existed this year for me.

Starting the Garden

Finally the worst of the storms have come to an end here in the great Pacific Northwest. Spring is in full swing here and heading into summer.

I decided to try to make a new seed starting tray this year. I saw something online about using old toilet paper tubes cut in half, so I saved all of ours through the winter. Ended up only using a few because I am not going to make a big garden this year.

We had a little downpour expose the seeds, I need to put more dirt over them.

I am lacking the funds to put in raised beds, so we are just doing containers this year. I bought 8 tubs from a store and while 7 of them ended up in the yard, one of them ended up in my living room filled with yarn. Hmmmm.... I wonder if I can grow yarn!

I am keeping it small and going to try sharing space. This coming weekend I am buying tomatoes from the tomato guy at our local farmers market. He has all kinds of fun types. I started green beans, cucumber and yellow squash. I put my carrot seeds in a container and once the tomatoes are in I am going to put in lettuce to share the space with them.

I am super excited for the growing season. My apple trees are already making little tiny furry green apples, my cherry trees might actually give me a few cherries this year and my pear tree is once again infected with rust. Which  makes me sad and I am thinking I may need to tear it out and put something else in. I do not want to spray it with all the toxic chemicals needed to kill off that fungus, but the rust gets so bad it eats all the baby pears.

Blueberry blossoms

Cherries

 There is a robin nesting right outside my bedroom window, my friend wants to turn my rhubarb into jam, the kids have been enjoying the sunshine and I am glad to be getting outside. Finally.

We got out the dehydrator and did bananas and apples for snacks, but they didn't last long. The kids ate them all up in 2 days!!!!! I will have to make more.

 
And we emptied out our rock tumbler and then loaded it up with some new stones. I am just tumbling the ones that came with the rock tumbler. I think the kiddos will enjoy having them to look at.

My grandma is doing well, her physical therapy is progressing and she is working hard to get back to being able to walk. I am working on a gift for her that I finished the main part of but still have the details to work on. Glad to know that she is on the mend though.

Got to meet with Liam's teacher at his school and talk to her about his progress and what we need to work on over the summer. I am excited to hear how well he is doing in school and how far he has come since September. I will be glad though to have a few months off where I do not have to get him dressed and out the door every morning!

Yay for SUMMER!

I Need a Happy

Feels like it has been forever since I wrote. So much has happened in the last.. what. Nine? Ten days?

Since coming home from Easter the household has been in a state of uncontrolled chaos. In an attempt to control it I am going to see if I can put it into some semblance of order here.

Evie regressed with sleep issues. The trip seemed to put her back to the place where she was staying up as late as she could and getting up early. It has meant that our 6pm baby bedtime was now a 10pm baby bed time after 4 hours of crying and being tired on her part but refusing to sleep. We've decided to skip her naps and do some Doctor reccomended sleep restriction to get her back to going to bed at a normal time and not being up super late.

A few months ago we were all ragged from her sleep problems. She would go to bed and then wake up 20-25 times a night. No that isn't a typo. She was up that much most nights. We lived on 15 minute increments of sleep that were split up by 10 minute sessions of Evie waking up screaming, tossing, turning, thrashing, banging her body into her crib, or when put into bed with us, banging into us. We were bruised, bloody lipped from being slammed with her head in the face, tired, and so totally over it. We learned that no one believed she had a sleep problem.

We were told that WE were the problem for trying to help her sleep. We had tried cry it out (vomit. fountains of vomit. She gags when she cries for longer than a couple minutes, even when shes NOT trying to sleep.), we had tried so many methods of sleep training, we had tried each one for long enough to give it time to work before giving up, and finally we turned to a doctor only to find that it took over 8 months to see a pediatric sleep specialist because of wait lists.

I fought so hard to get her seen. I called every sleep place within 50 miles. I e-mailed, I wrote letters, I called our doctor once a week every week until she finally put in the damn referral to a specialist for us. We finally got in to see someone. He said that she did have a problem, but at her age it was not safe to medicate her. All we could do was to not let her sleep until she was sooooo tired she slept. Four days of hell where she only slept 6 hours a day, and finally she slept. She slept 11 hours a night, but no naps. Then she started adding in naps. Once she napped, she is now not sleeping at night. So in the interest of actually getting some sleep, we are dropping naps. I do not want to do another 9 months of hell.

Of course, her sleep issues mean she is cranky all day long. She bites, throws, hits people. She screams and whines non-stop for hours on end and nothing soothes her. She plays the pick me up so I can whine to be put down so I can whine to be picked up so I can slap you in the mouth game. She is a little terror in a tutu.

Liam is going through a phase where his emotional age is that of a two year old and he is throwing tantrums over doing things he once did with glee. He is disobeying us AS we are telling him not to do something. He is not listening to anything, throwing toys and food and anything that we ask him to give back to his sister after he grabs it out of her hands..... it is just something extra I am having a hard time dealing with right now.

With all of this going on, I got the news that on the 24th that my Grandma fell and broke her femur up near her hip. It took two days for them to do the surgery because of the blood thinner my grandma takes. They had to wait until it was at a lower level in her body.

THEN, the first facility she was in after being released (because of course Kaiser won't let anyone stay in the hospital until they are well enough to leave, they just kick them out as fast as possible no matter what.) was HORRIBLE! she was ignored while screaming and crying for help, she had dropped the call button and couldn't see to pick it up (she is losing her sight) and she was thirsty and had no water, can't get out of bed and is screaming for help and NO ONE CAME for HOURS. Her daughter came by after work to check on her and found her like this crying for help. Ten minutes later my mom came and had the job of ripping someone a new one for treating an 89 year old lady like that.

They got her transferred to a new, much better facility, yesterday night. She finally got a good nights sleep, though my mom still is not leaving her side. Hopefully she will be better soon. I wish I could be there to help. But Evie is sick right now and I don't want to bring anything bad to grandma, plus I know the kids would be just too much for her. Even in small doses... and then I wouldn't be ANY help because I would be trying to keep my little turkeys from being traffic hazards in the hallways.

My lovely Grandma

And then, to top it all off, my 14 year old kitty, Mister Kitty, who for the last 5 years has lived with my best friend because he (yes the kitty) brought home a stray kitty who got attached to him and they couldn't be apart and that was just too many cats for me to handle..... well.... Mister apparently had a very aggressive form of oral cancer. He broke a tooth and we were crowdfunding to raise the money for his surgery, but when they started the surgery they found that most of his tongue was taken up with a tumor that had not been there even two weeks ago during a check on his tooth. We made the choice to euthanize him. I held him as he left us.

Mr. Kitty

No. I am not ok. I have some weird sort of emotional hangover feeling. I am so angry and sad right now. I want to be in California with my grandma, but not only can I not afford that really, having the kids there would just stress her out. I lost a kitty. My daughter isn't sleeping, also has a cold and is the crankiest thing on two legs. My son is just not listening and picking the WORST time to test the boundaries.

I need a win. I need a happy. I need something GOOD to happen beyond the good of making it through another day without running screaming into the street. Or maybe a kindly family of wolves to come raise my children for me for a week.

The Easter Bunny Lays Fish Eggs

We drove down to Grants Pass, Oregon for Easter this year. It seemed like a good idea to spend it with my dad and my step mom at their house there.

The kiddos did pretty well on the car ride out there. We left at 7am and made it there around noon. We had to stop twice at stores to get food once and then get a new cord to charge my phone with after the one I had decided it didn't want to work any longer.

The first day was nice, we made hamburgers at home after a quick trip to the store. Liam got a big lego plane and Evie got some megablocks to help keep them amused. I even got my dad to watch Frozen with us in the evening.

The next day we tried to go to an egg hunt at a local winery. This was a bad idea. The web site promised pony rides and an egg hunt and a bounce house.

There was an egg hunt that consisted of maaaybe 100 eggs for over 75 children. And they had the big kids in the garden at the same time as the little kids! The big kids took all the eggs that were easy to see and left nothing for the little ones. The parents were bad too, one lady saw Liam reaching for an egg and she snatched it away right out from under his hand. I was so angry! To top it all off, there was no sign of ponies or bounce houses anywhere. We left quickly. Our ten dollar admission fee paid for two mini plastic eggs with a single Hershey Kiss in each, one lollipop, and a five minute walk in a small flower garden overrun by kids crying that they hadn't gotten an egg while the 12+ crowd whined that they only had ten eggs.

You can be sure that I will not be making THAT mistake again!

But after deciding NOT to say something at the time and let my temper cool before writing them a nasty-gram for poor planning and not delivering promised things and overcharging for what they did provide, we went home and I stuffed some plastic eggs with candy and "hid" them in the yard. Liam had a fun time finding them and Evie got help from her Grandma Kathy. They stuffed themselves with chocolate and then rampaged around the house all afternoon with their little toys from Grandma

We had dinner, tried to go out for ice cream and discovered that the melting point for Liam was discovering that his Spiderman ice cream from Baskin Robbins didn't taste any different than normal vanilla ice cream and that he didn't like it. He had a full on tantrum in the store and I took him to go sit in the car while Evie stayed with Grandma and Grandpa to finish her non-allergen filled frozen treat. She still can't have milk!

In the morning we got dressed up all fancy and took some pictures and put out the last of the eggs. Since both kiddos love fish and all things from the ocean I bought some ocean creature themes plastic eggs. Liam found the first one and exclaimed loudly, "The Easter Bunny came and laid FISH EGGS!"

I made the mistake of doing pictures AFTER they found eggs, so all I got were pictures of them looking at their eggs!

Evie learned a new word, bucket, which she says as "buckie".

The drive home was ok for the first 4 hours, but the last hour was a nightmare! It was too close to home to want to stop and let them run, but far enough that they were super mad. They just wanted to be home and I knew that stopping somewhere would be too hard on them when it came time to get back into the car.

Finally we made it home and got everything unpacked and washed the cherry juice off of the blankets Liam spilled it on in the car, ordered a pizza and watched MythBusters until it was bed time.

This morning Liam asked for chocolate for breakfast. It would have been funny if not for the tantrum that happened when I said no!